You can't fix stupid

Many learned people have read themselves stupid. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Silence

Silence is more eloquent that words. - Thomas Carlyle

Our equals

We who are liberal and progressive know that the poor are our equals in every sense except that of being equal to us. - Lionel Trilling

Perhaps it's time to delve into Oxymorinica and pull some fun quotes from that book this week.

Funnel to your stomach

Let your head be more than a funnel to your stomach.- German Proverb

Good friends

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. - Unknown

I remember seeing this funny little quote a few year back on a sign in someone's kitchen.

Dinner for four

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles 

Eat what you like

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.  - Mark Twain

But I go marching on

Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life.  But I go marching on.   -George Bernard Shaw

Soup!

Worries go down better with soup.  -Jewish Proverb


While I don't plan on making this a week of food quotes, it might just become that.

Just grow old

I guess I don’t so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old. - Ben Franklin


Well I start a diet today. We'll see if this diet is more successful than past diets. While I don't feel all that old, I sadly have a head start on the fat part of Franklin's musing on aging.

You can only give what you possess

When you run into someone who is disagreeable to others, you may be sure he is uncomfortable with himself; the amount of pain we inflict upon others is directly proportional to the amount we feel within us. - Sydney J. Harris

Leaving wiggle room

The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face. - Sydney J. Harris

A fanatic

A fanatic is a person who consciously over compensates a secret doubt. - Aldous Huxley

You are here

I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it. - Steven Wright # 961 of (The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said) complied by Robert Byrne

Time to use RAID

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. - Herb Caen  #1,578 of (The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said) complied by Robert Byrne

Formula of Success

The  most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people. - Theodore Roosevelt. (Taken from the Forbes Leadership Library: Thoughts on Success)

Hope

In every Winter's heart there is a quivering Spring. And behind the veil of each night there is a smiling dawn. - Kahlil Gibran

The sky is the limit

And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit. - The Tick (TV Animated Series)

Those things happen once in a while

I didn't particularly feel like being arrested, so I argued with the soldiers a bit. Several of them died during the argument - those things happen once in a while. Unfortunately, one of the casualties was Taur Urgas' oldest son. The king of the Murgos took it personally. He's very narrow-minded sometimes. - Silk

Anger & Passion

"Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice."

"Constructive anger", the demon said, "her voice dripping sarcasm."

"Also known as passion", I said quietly. "Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful." - Harry Dresden

Only one

There is only one Lord of the Ring, only one who can bend it to his will. And he does not share power. - Gandalf (The Lord of the Rings) 

Sometimes I sleep

Are you always a smart-ass? Nope, sometimes I sleep.  - Harry Dresden (From Blood Rites)

Somehow immoral

Usually, when I need a boat I steal one. Using one of my own seems immoral somehow. - Silk (From the Belgariad Series)

Who needs that?

Common sense? Worthless things like those I haven't had for as long as I can remember! - Kenpachi Zaraki from the Bleach Series. 

I started watching the series earlier in the year. I have to say its become one of my favorite things to watch in my free time. It has almost as many characters to track as the Dresden Files. Maybe this week will have to be imaginary-fictional character quotes. Hmmm 

The ideal life

Good books, good friends and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain   (While he admittedly left God out of the factoring, those three elements do contribute to a more ideal life.  Add good faith/religion/spirituality to the mix and I would say it was ideal.)

The Inexpressible

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. - Aldous Huxley

Entitlement Triple Header

Though beauty gives you a weird sense of entitlement, it's rather frightening and threatening to have others ascribe such importance to something you know you're just renting for a while. - Candice Bergen   


I think fame and notoriety suffer from the same inflated importance in today's world.

One of the consequences of such notions of "entitlement" is that people who have contributed nothing to society feel that society owes them something, apparently just for being nice enough to grace us with their presence. - Thomas Sowell


You mean society doesn't?


Entitlement and privilege corrupt. - Vice Admiral James Stockdale


Anytime one gets privilege they better have a friend at hand to keep them humble and rooted in reality, otherwise corruption seems inevitable. 

Work & Spend

Get to know two things about a man - how he earns his money and how he spends it - and you have the clue to his character, for you have a searchlight that shows up the inmost recesses of his soul. - Robert James McCraken  Forbes Leadership Library - Thoughts on Prosperity

The Forbes Library is a great collection of little books of quotes on various topics. While there might not be an abundance of funny quotes, there are some really great insightful quotes in the collection of books.

Political Correctness

Political correctness is just tyranny with manners. - Charlton Heston

Being politically correct mean always having to say you're sorry. - Charles Osgood

Both quotes are taken from the Big Curmudgeon, a bitter but fun read in small doses.

Ancient Chinese Secret

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's own ignorance. - Confucius  (From Oxymoronica)

Perhaps our political leaders could benefit from this insight. Well, to be honest, who wouldn't benefit from a little more humility about their certainty and insight.

Robin Williams

A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein but the attention span of Daffy Duck. - Tom Shales (The Book of Poisonous Quotes)

I like a lot of Robin Williams movies, but I fear that he often falls into that categories of actors/comedians who just play themselves in various roles.